Its really hard to find the right words sometimes. We've all been there, right? Trying to say we are sorry is difficult when you can't think of the right words.. or you know something you did or said is unforgivable. I said something yesterday that caused a lot of problems. I didn't think before I said it either, and I truly wish I could take it all back.. I'm thinking really hard now. Trying to find the right words that express the meaning I'm trying to get across. And I've never been good at it. I've never been able to communicate well with others. I did not mean those 4 words the way they sounded, but it hardly even matters anymore. I typed it without realizing the consequences of doing so. And I'm not trying to defend myself either. I am deeply sorry.. I know now that my words had an unintentional effect on others. And I honestly did not mean to upset or offend anyone. I'm not asking for forgiveness because looking back I can see that what I said yesterday was wrong. Im not an emotional person, I'm very detached from the world around me. If anything I'm antisocial. Growing up I had two friends, and not at the same time either. I dated my next door neighbor when I was 7, for a day. I'm hardly an outgoing person. And by all rights I don't usually get along with others. Whatever manners I have I learned just last Summer on a farm. Where I worked my A$$ off for no particular reason at all. 14 hour days in the first Job you could say I ever had. Outside in the sweltering weather during a drought. I have no idea why I'm typing this at all, I guess I'd like people to think I'm not a bad person, that I made a huge mistake and I'm stupid. But I don't feel like a good person, I feel like a Complete jerk.. I hurt the people I care about most.. and I just want to go into the fetal position in a corner and cry. I feel like I ruined something special with my stupidity. And no matter how much I wish I could take it all back I can't.. if the people that I hurt never want to talk to me again I can understand why.. I feel no better than the man who took those poor innocent lives. I don't know what I can possibly say to seek forgiveness. And I don't even think I deserve it. I apologize for my words and actions. I only hope I didn't destroy the only good thing in my life.. and that's my relationship. ;'(
I never thought you to be stupid sweetheart.. I was shocked and horrified over the things you said and I am trying hard to not let it effect how I feel about you. As a mother, it horrified me to think that a place my child thinks is safe... isn't safe at all... and to think of all those parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and brothers and sisters having to deal with all if this... especially through the holidays is unthinkable... those children hadn't even begun to live their lives... they will never graduate kindergarten... middle school... high school or college... never fall in love... never get married or have kids of their own... they will never have what you and Ranna do... they didn't deserve to die... they were not destined to die by the hands of monster in cold blood.
ReplyDeleteI love you like a son... and hope you will be in our lives for a long time...
love,
your other mother!!!
I have much respect for you not only as a great mother to a beautiful daughter. But as someone who is very wise. I understand exactly what you mean, that what happened to those children and their families is absolutely horrid. And I couldn't possibly imagine having to deal with all of that. I've seen in the past that fundraisers are started to help with families after a public massacre. Like for the people in the movie theater in Ohio earlier this year, i expect that one will begin to help the families of those that died. Maybe we can all pitch in something for those people.
DeleteAnd I love you as my other mother. I really appreciate everything you've done for me, even of I sound ungrateful I assure you I am not.
Love,
Your apologetic caring son
awww... basically you love me cause I'm old and can ground my kid from you from seeing my kid.. JOKING!!!! I love you too!!
ReplyDeleteHaha! I really hope we can all put this behind us and move on, I'm going to bed now. Thank you for your hospitality. Have a good night mom :) love you
ReplyDelete